A Month of Facts about Dru: Day Ten

Today's true story:

I once got crapped on by a flock of seagulls.

I was pretty young at the time. I think I was in preschool or kindergarten and my class went on a field trip to the zoo. We were looking at monkeys or something, and then a flock of seagulls flew overhead. Being inexperienced at real life, I thought they were part of the zoo, and I got super excited at watching them flying. Then it started raining bird poop.

I got hit pretty hard. At first, I didn't really understand what happened. I just had this weird, gooey stuff covering me. It was all over my head and my body. My mom happened to be with me on that field trip, and because she was right next to me, she also endured the seagulls' excrement. She was angry, and I think that tipped me off that something wasn't right. Maybe I started crying then. Or maybe I didn't. Nah, actually I bet I probably did cry. I cried a lot as a kid, believe it or not. I still cry a lot as a grown man, too, but I just do it in private.

Ever since that incident, I've always hated and feared birds that fly above me. Even if it is just a single bird, I will, to this day, cover my head instinctively with an arm. It's just a reflex now, completely ingrained in my mindset, even though think I've only been crapped on one other time since that day. I hate it when birds fly over me. I always have a bad feeling that I'll get pooped on. If I am wearing a hat, I feel a little more protected, though.

Unless I'm wearing my Warriors hat. I can't let that hat, with that logo, get crapped on. Nothing can be allowed to disrespect the logo. Once, one of the kids at the school I work at playfully hit the bottom of the brim of my Warriors hat, knocking it off. It landed on the floor. I immediately benched her for that. You think I'm joking? No. This really happened. She was upset, but I had to explain her own impudence to her and teach her to respect the logo. Now, kids know better than to even touch my Warriors hat. It's just off limits. They can't touch it. They just can't. That is a line they are not allowed to cross. I can't allow them to do it. It's like how Batman doesn't let anybody touch his cape. (Except maybe Alfred, when it's time to wash it.)