A Month of Facts about Dru: Day Twenty-eight

[Ever go back and read stuff you wrote years ago? It can be entertaining. I am rarely satisfied with things I write. As I go back and reread, all I see are the flaws and phrases I could have done better. I see words and phrases that sound too much like me and not enough like the story. I see ideas put to paper that totally represent where my head was at during the time I wrote the stuff. Old writings are like time capsules and war journal (real men don't keep diaries, we keep war journals) entries, only with more flavor. Here are two short stories I wrote a couple of years ago. Completely unedited, warts and all, just the way they were when I finished them. The thing that made me laugh when I reread these a little while ago is how they are two separate stories but essentially contain the same twist! Not very creative of me. But maybe that's where my head was at back in the day. The first piece was meant to be an "iceberg" story where more details are gradually revealed as the story progresses. The second story is meant to be one told from the point of view of a few different characters.]

A Hard Lesson

They sat in a mildly crowded café at the corner of Ninth and Springfield. It was approaching the lunch hour, so they were fortunate to beat the crowd and get an inside table; the day was overcast and the outdoors tables were less desirable. Afrobeat music flowed through the café.

The woman, in her mid-twenties, wore no makeup at all. Her black hair was cut fashionably short, although her eyes seemed to peek out wearily behind some rather long bangs. She rested her palms flat on the table. Dressed simply in a t-shirt and jeans, the woman did not fit in with the business people on their lunch break who sat at most of the other tables.

Her companion, an older man, sat directly across from her. His brown hair was beginning to gray right around his temples. He wore slacks and a button-down shirt. The top few buttons on his shirt were left unbuttoned, as if he had decided he felt too constricted as he hastily yanked off his tie. The man had a somber demeanor that contrasted with the relaxed appearance of his shirt.

“Aileen, honey,” the man said gently, “what went wrong?”

“I never said anything went wrong. Maybe things were never right to begin with. How can something that wasn’t right in the first place go wrong?”

The man reached over to Aileen and placed his hand on hers. Abrasively, she pulled away.

“Just don’t touch me right now, please,” she said. She placed her hands in her pockets.

Nodding, the man simply replied, “I’m sorry, honey.”

“I just think we made a huge mistake, is all. We should have been more careful, more cautious. It was just…” Aileen’s voice trailed off as a waitress brought them their drinks.

She had a bottle of Snapple, which she poured into a glass full of ice cubes. He had a tall glass of orange juice. They took tentative sips of their respective drinks. More people began to trickle into the café. A few people even sat at the outside tables.

“You were saying?” said the man.

“I’m just so disappointed, is all.”

“Life is full of disappointments.”

“So I’ve heard. Thanks a lot for reminding me,” she said softly.

“Look, I’m not saying that I don’t have my regrets, but we can move forward. Just put this behind us and get on by with life. You know, honey?”

“Stop calling me that,” she said loudly. No one at any of the other tables seemed to notice.

The man looked away from her and began playing with his napkin. With a practiced exaggeration, he sighed.

“And that,” Aileen said, “is just as annoying.”

The man looked into her eyes. “At least I haven’t said, ‘I told you so.’”

“Dad, you were basically saying that the whole time Lester and I have been together. You just knew this would happen. I hope you’re happy now.” She took a large gulp of her Snapple.

They spent the next few minutes without saying a word, avoiding eye contact. The din of the café more than made up for their silence. The Afrobeat music continued.

Eventually their waitress returned with their meals. Aileen had a simple grilled cheese sandwich. Her father had a Panini tuna melt.

“Lester isn’t a bad person,” Aileen said, her mouth full.

Her father swallowed before he spoke. “People make mistakes sometimes. That’s all there is to it.”

“You don’t have to rub it in, dad.”

“What? I was saying that we all make mistakes. Take me, for instance. Your mom and I—“

“Don’t talk about mom right now!” Aileen said, cutting him off. “This isn’t about you and mom. This is about me.”

“You mean you and Lester,” he said, shaking his head dismissively.

“Please, dad, can you lend me the money?”

Without even pausing, he replied, “No. People have to learn from their mistakes.”

“Are you talking about Lester? Or are you talking about me?”

“Both of you. A grown man should know better than to do what he did. And you should have been a better judge of character. I tried to raise you right.”

“Dad,” Aileen said, “don’t play that card with me. If you’re not going to help me, just say so. Don’t make me beg.”

He finished his tuna melt and wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“It’s like I said,” her father stated, “people need to learn from their own mistakes.”

“Fine,” Aileen said. She stood. “I’ll find some other way to get the money. I can pay his bail on my own.”

He watched his daughter leave the café. He finished his orange juice and again wiped his lips with his napkin. The waitress came with the check. He handed her several bills and told her to keep the change. The waitress thanked him and walked away. He got up and left. Outside, the clouds were beginning to thin out; a few rays of sunshine crept through the nimbus fragments.

“Kids,” he said, to no one in particular. “They never learn.”

_________________________________________________________

No Easy Way Down

Furniture Empathy

Leslie Hardwick came home from a long day at the office and plopped straight down in the living room loveseat. She took the pins out of her blonde hair, hair which seemed darker than it was mere weeks ago. She kicked her shoes off and dragged her toes through the worn ruffles of the blue carpet. For a moment, she sat there, leaning all the way back in the seat, with her eyes closed. She sank further into the loveseat. The chair was much too big for just one person. Her home was shabby, but at least she had a comfortable chair. Leslie knew how to accept small victories.

In the kitchen, the dog barked. Sighing, Leslie slowly got up from the loveseat. She flipped on her pink house slippers and sauntered over to the kitchen cupboard. The dog was still barking.

“Yeah, yeah,” Leslie mumbled absently. “I can hear you.”

The dog, an unkempt, black-haired mutt, whined a bit. He licked Leslie’s slipper.

Leslie pulled the dog food out of the cupboard. She found the dog’s bowl in the corner. With her foot, she maneuvered the bowl over to herself and poured the last of the dog food into it. There wasn’t much left.

“Sorry, Rex,” Leslie said, patting her dog. “This’ll have to tide you over for a while now.”

Rex, ears drooped, nibbled gently at the dog food in his bowl. The atmosphere was contagious.

The doorbell rang. Leslie left her dog to answer the door.

“Hey, Lily,” she said after opening the door. “I was wondering where you were.”

“I was just finishing up some homework at the library,” Lily answered. She gave her mother a slow hug. “Chad came home with me. He stopped to say hi to Mrs. Jackson down the block. I’m real tired. I’m going to rest for a while. Talk to you later?” Lily took off her shoes and went into her room. She shut the door quietly.

Leslie went back to the living room. The sun was beginning to set. It was at just the right angle where a sharp beam of light was aimed straight through the window and onto the loveseat. Leslie pulled the curtains. They were thin and made of a low-quality material, but it wouldn’t be as bright now. It was only a little bright. Satisfied, she plopped back onto her favorite piece of furniture.

After a moment, she felt something. She was sitting on a small object. She felt around a bit. It was a watch, a cheap analog watch with a white face and a black plastic wristband. Holding it in her hand, she realized it belonged to her husband. She sighed. She slumped over in her loveseat; the chair had never, ever seemed so enormous.

The living room wasn’t too dim. Neither was it too bright. It was just lukewarm.

Iron Bars

School was never Chad’s strong point. There wasn’t much about the fourth grade that he enjoyed. He didn’t like homework, he didn’t like the gross cafeteria food, he didn’t like his teacher, Ms. Cohen, and he certainly didn’t like the way Bobby Thurston teased and mocked him.

Recess was the only thing Chad enjoyed. He liked being able to be by himself. He liked not having someone watching over his shoulder all the time. He enjoyed climbing on the monkey bars, especially when the other kids were busy playing tag and left the play structure alone.

Playing on the monkey bars, Chad got his mind off of everything he didn’t like. He could just concentrate on swinging from one bar to the next. The goal was always clear. There weren’t any ambiguities. Imagine his disappointment when he saw Bobby walking toward him.

“Hey, Chad,” Bobby said, “who’s your daddy?”

Chad was halfway through the monkey bars when Bobby said that. Chad dropped to his feet, agile for a nine year old. “Nobody,” he said.

“Hey, Chad,” Bobby said, in the exact same tone of voice, “Can I meet your dad?”

Although he faced Bobby, Chad bowed his head down and stared at the ground. His brow furrowed. “No,” he answered. “No, you can’t.”

Bobby laughed like a fat, ugly bully. He ran across the playground where he exchanged high-fives with his buddies.

Chad vibrated angrily. But he didn’t cry or lose his cool. He didn’t know what else to do, so he grabbed hold of the monkey bars again. He started again from one end. It was the cold feel of the bars that fascinated him. They reminded him of his father.

Once Upon A Time

“Are you going to the dance this Friday?” asked Stacy. She and Lily sat together at a table in the courtyard.

Lily shrugged. “Probably not. I have other things to do. Are you gonna go?”

“I was thinking about it,” Stacy replied. She squinted her eyes, even though it was a cloudy day. “But if you’re not going, I don’t know if I want to go.”

“Sorry,” Lily said. “Things have just been… Well, yeah. You know.”

Looking into her friend’s eyes, Stacy nodded understandingly. “We’re not going to miss much, anyway. They never play any good music at those dances anyway.”

“Listen, I have to do a little last-second cramming. I have a history test coming up next period and I need to get myself ready. Talk to you later?”

“Okay,” Stacy said. “I’m gonna go across the courtyard and say ‘hi’ to Jamie and Andre over there. See you later, Lily.”

With the table to herself, Lily opened up her backpack and dumped the contents on the table surface. She just had a binder and her textbook. She opened up the book and was annoyed to realize it was the wrong one. Somehow, she’d brought her math book instead of her history book. Quickly, Lily packed up her binder and math text and walked briskly to her locker inside the school.

Someone had taken a sizeable newspaper clipping and stuck it on her locker. The clipping was about her father. It was a big news story about his arrest, trial, and conviction. To the other teens in this podunk town, it was the biggest story of their lives. They couldn’t seem to stop talking about “Mister Hardwick, the criminal.”

But to Lily, that news was just ancient history. She tore the clipping off her locker and crumpled it, stuffing it in her pocket. She glanced around a bit to see if the person who had stuck it there was watching her. No one seemed to be paying any attention to her. Lily had a test. She needed to cram for her exam. So that’s what she did.

Droopy

It was sunset at the Hardwick house. Rex sat on his haunches on the front lawn. The grass hadn’t encountered a lawnmower for a while. It all grew uneven and scraggly. Rex didn’t notice. He was just a dog. He was only hungry.

A Month of Facts about Dru: Day Twenty-seven

I live in the spaces between my stacks of books.

Lately, I've been working on trying to clean them up a bit. I have a lot of stuff that is just lying around that needs to be organized and placed neatly somewhere. Lack of bookcases is definitely hurting me. I only have three bookcases right now, and my tallest one got messed up. I remember the day when the bottom shelf collapsed. That was a very sad moment.

Now I just have stacks and stacks and a few boxes of books. Comics, trade paperbacks, novels, even some textbooks left from college that I never managed to sell back. I've been purging some stuff but mostly putting all the stuff I want to keep in a box. I don't like putting books in boxes. Books belong on a shelf so that anyone can pull them off and read them at a moment's notice. Books are meant to be read.

One thing I came across while sorting through my stuff was a box of ministry stuff left over from my college days. I found a bunch of notes and handouts from Campus Crusade and Epic sermons. I don't know why I've always been such a pack rat. I don't wanna be sentimental, but maybe it just comes naturally. I even always skim over stuff one last time before I throw it away.

I even found my outlines and notes from a bunch of the Bible studies that I was leading back then, too. I gave them a cursory glance but ended up keeping them. I don't know why. Maybe one day, in the future, I will recycle them. (I mean recycle the messages, not the paper.) I think it is funny to look at the things that I had planned for my Bible study group. I wonder how it would feel to be an impartial third party observer of the 2004-2005 Dru leading his Bible study. I think of all the ridiculous things I must have crapped out my mouth and it makes me laugh. And cringe, just a bit.

In that box of ministry stuff, I also found various cards and notes of encouragement. Reading them again was a trip down memory lane. Sometimes it surprised me how well people seemed to know me, or at least my character.

It is also a weird feeling to read stuff where people write encouraging and nice things to me. I don't think I take compliments well. I guess I always feel obligated to think of a compliment in response, although in retrospect, I suppose a simple "Thank you" would suffice. I don't think I am too cynical of a person. I think I just prefer to bottle up my emotions. It's uncomfortable, at times, to be speechless because I prefer to disarm people with a sarcastic remark, but there are some situations when sarcasm is uncalled for. (Sidenote: sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.)

There's this one scene in a superhero story that greatly resonates with me.

It's the epilogue from this one comic, Kingdom Come. Superman and Batman are old men who basically just survived an apocalypse together despite the fact that they were part of different factions (although they were not exactly foes). So after things have settled down a bit, they have lunch together at a busy restaurant. They (well, mostly Superman) kinda reminisce about how their ideologies are different but the goals for which they strive are the same. At the end, Superman calls Batman a "moral man" and someone he can count on, and goes on to say: "You're right about me. Trust is the center of my world. I don't know if that makes me an expert on it... but I know I trust you. Despite our differences over the years... I always have."

At that point, old Batman has no words. There's a neat panel where he stares at Superman with an expression of speechlessness while Superman wears a satisfied and honest smile. No words. Then they both stand up in the middle of the restaurant and hug each other. No words.

I sometimes feel like old man Batman. When someone offers me a nice piece of sincere encouragement, I often have no words. Maybe next time I will just give a manly hug.

A Month of Facts about Dru: Day Twenty-six

Today's true story:

It's mailbag time!! Well, not really. Sort of. I guess only if you count one piece of mail in a bag. And maybe it was more like a Facebook comment with no expectation of a serious answer. Anyway, loyal reader (ha, ha) Eric asks, "If you were to make a soundtrack for your life, what songs would be included (favorite songs, songs that describe you, etc.)? Minimum 11 songs, max 25 songs. And if you want to go further with it, what would the order be?"

Well, Slic Ric, I am going to use the max of 25 songs. Why? Well, I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could distill everything down to the essential 11 tracks. However, I've always envisioned the soundtrack of my life to be an epic-length double album. So there. I'm also gonna give you the track sequence. (The album's songs generally will be sequenced in chronological order of impact on my life except where noted to improve musical flow, or just 'cause I feel like it.)

These aren’t the 25 greatest songs of all time and these aren’t even my 25 favorite songs. This is not my desert island disc.

These are just 25 songs I would use to make a soundtrack for my life.

Here’s the tracklist for an overview. Commentary follows.

[Disc One]
1. In My Life – The Beatles
2. Robotech: Main Theme – Ulpio Minucci
3. Champagne Supernova - Oasis
4. It’s OK – Delirious?
5. Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of – U2
6. Cammy’s London Drizzle – McVaffe
7. Let Down – Radiohead
8. Losing My Religion – R.E.M.
9. Tonight, Tonight – The Smashing Pumpkins
10. Landslide – Fleetwood Mac
11. Regret – New Order
12. The Universal – Blur

[Disc Two]
1. Inertia Creeps – Massive Attack
2. Umi Says – Mos Def
3. Summer Sun – Koop
4. Lost in the Supermarket – The Clash
5. Bend and Not Break – Dashboard Confessional
6. Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
7. Rebellion (Lies) – Arcade Fire
8. So Here We Are – Bloc Party
9. Moment of Truth – Gang Starr
10. Ladyflash – The Go! Team
11. Digital Love – Daft Punk
12. Wonderful King – David Crowder Band
13. Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken - Enfield

___________

1. “In My Life” – The Beatles. I grew up listening to the Beatles. My dad’s pretty into ‘60s era British Invasion. “In My Life” probably wasn’t my favorite Beatles song when I was a kid, but for now I would say it’s worthy to represent that portion of my childhood. Growing up on the Beatles probably formed the foundation of my fondness for British music. (My earliest Beatles memories as a kid are probably the songs from their boy band era. I also had this ridiculous cassette tape of Alvin and the Chipmunks singing boy band era Beatles songs. I listened to that one over and over as a kid.)

Key lyric: “All these places had their moments / With lovers and friends I still can recall / Some are dead and some are living / In my life I’ve loved them all”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZpVxLjqXPE

2. “Robotech: Main Title” – Ulpio Minucci. I only have super vague memories of watching Robotech as a little kid, but I definitely got into when I caught it in syndication years after its original airing when I was in middle school. I think the Robotech Perfect Soundtrack Album was the first CD I ever owned. (Purchased with allowance money.) I still have nothing but love for Robotech itself, one of the greatest space operas ever conceived. I used to get into heated arguments with classmates about Robotech vs. Star Wars. I usually won those arguments when rational, verbal discourse degenerated into fisticuffs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHfNniqT7bo&feature=related

3. “Champagne Supernova – Oasis. When I was in middle school, I started watching fewer Saturday morning cartoons. (Well, maybe, like, an hour less than I used to.) Instead, I would listen to this radio program that played British music. I don’t remember exactly what it was called, but it had “Britpop” in the title and was probably something like Britpop Breakfast. My classmates at school were still talking about rap music and 2Pac versus Biggie and I just didn’t like that kind of music. I can’t remember too many exact bands or songs that I used to like, but Oasis stood out to me. “Champagne Supernova” isn’t even my favorite Oasis song (check out “Cast No Shadow” or “Don’t Go Away,” either of which I feel actually describes me better) but it’s emblematic of the era in which I first began to discover pop music. An American song like Sublime’s “Santeria” might have been in contention for track 3, but in the end I think I’d rather listen to Oasis than Sublime.

Key lyric (not that it makes any stinking sense; it’s just memorable): “Slowly walking down the hall / Faster than a cannonball”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3C7DECI0jU

4. “It’s OK” – Delirious?. I discovered Delirious? when I was in high school. Mezzamorphis is right up there with OK Computer as my favorite album of all time, and “It’s OK” is right up there with “Let Down” as my favorite song of all time. “It’s OK” has always moved me, and the arrangement is just powerful. There’s really not a whole lot of music that I liked when I was a high schooler that now I’m proud to admit I liked, but this is definitely something I still go back to regularly. Mezzamorphis has really high quality production for a “Christian” album. I still think a lot of Christian music in general is pretty crappy, but I can’t be ashamed of Delirious?. My favorite band, and another signpost that pointed me towards more British music.

Key lyric: “She’s as pretty as hell and her eyes have no home / The beauty has run from your face”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wCpVgrO2dI

5. “Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of” – U2. All That You Can’t Leave Behind was probably the album I listened to most during senior year of high school. This was probably my favorite song. I couldn’t wait to leave high school behind. (Snicker, snicker.) I remember this song has two different music videos. One of them is kind of lame (just Bono falling out of a car in slow motion) but the other one is downbeat yet strangely moving. The video is about a football kicker who misses an easy game-winning field goal and then relives the moment for the rest of his life. John Madden even makes a cameo. Unfortunately, for some reason, I couldn’t find that video on YouTube (at least not with the Madden cameo). However, I did find this gem that sets the song as background music over a montage of the Lions’ recent 0-16 season.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igVkuE9eyXg

6. “Cammy’s London Drizzle” – McVaffe. Pretty stinkin’ random, huh? I need something to represent the Street Fighter addict in me and this track will do the job. I didn’t become a competent player until I was in college and had easy access to an arcade and quality competition, but even as a kid I would spend hours toiling away on the home versions of Street Fighter II and its many iterations. I’ve played these games so much that everyone’s stage music is practically iconic in my mind, but I’ve always been partial to Cammy’s theme. This is actually a remix that I discovered on ocremix.org, which is just an awesome site for free videogame music. Nice melody with a soothing, downbeat arrangement with a steady hip-hop beat and a slithering baseline that creeps in at the right time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUoXtKnpDYw

7. “Let Down” – Radiohead. This song moves me. To tears, even. I have to have Radiohead in here somewhere. This is probably my favorite song ever, although this spot on the album could really be any number of other Radiohead cuts (“Black Star” would be my top alternate choice). But “Let Down” is truly the perfect song, and that’s why it’s here. The melody, the arrangement, the lyrics, and the vocals all complement each other. I find it beautiful that a piece that has this overtly downtrodden and forlorn tone and embodiment of the concept of Weltschmerz is ultimately full of hope and yearning.

Key lyric: “Don’t get sentimental / It always ends up drivel”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZd16_RPgFM

8. “Losing My Religion” – R.E.M. There was about a week when I was completely absorbed with this song. I loved the tune; I couldn’t make sense of the lyrics. I kept trying to analyze the words and I eventually figured that it was the most obsessive unrequited love song ever. Later, I learned that “losing my religion” was a Southern phrase roughly equivalent to “at the end of my rope.” If I had known that earlier, I think it wouldn’t have taken me so long to understand the lyrics. Regardless, I greatly identify with this song.

Key lyric: “The lengths that I will go to / The distance in your eyes”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ2yXWi0ppw&feature=related

Also, I feel that the music video to this song is particularly artfully crafted. I think it’s inspired by that great short story “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I recommend reading that and watching the music video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if-UzXIQ5vw&a=GSroZZTEwyQ&playnext_from=ML

9. “Tonight, Tonight” – The Smashing Pumpkins. It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally started to appreciate the Pumpkins. I used to think Billy Corgan had a weird, nasally voice. I guess I still think he has a weird voice, but that’s why I like it; when he sings his songs, he sings them with a passion and earnestness that gives you the sense he means every word. I chose “Tonight, Tonight” to represent the Pumpkins on my soundtrack because I feel like I need some entrance music. It’s a song about making the best of every moment in life, but that string section is flat-out heroic.

Key lyric: “We’ll crucify the insincere tonight”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFTIX3zl_8s
(The music video is interesting, too.)

10. “Landslide” – Fleetwood Mac. Because sometimes even a big kid like me needs a song about growing up. Stevie Nicks is definitely one of my all-time female vocalists, along with Neko Case and Karen Bergquist (from Over the Rhine). This is just a powerful, moving song. It’s a great song to ruminate to. The Pumpkins did a great cover of it, but for some reason it just wouldn’t feel right to have two songs back-to-back by the same band.

Key lyric: “Can the child within my heart rise above?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPc5YCBz9LQ

11. “Regret” – New Order. Not gonna lie, I’m not completely sure what this song is about. I think it’s essentially song about convincing yourself to believe in a lie in order to be a stronger person. That’s what I’ve always thought, at least. Maybe someone else has a better analysis. I don’t think this song is so much about moving on as it is about the struggle of moving on. Who hasn’t ever felt that way? That’s life, man. This song is life. There are some rather nice lines about alienation. It’s angsty without the immaturity. It makes me feel rather nostalgic, but for what, I couldn’t really say.

Key lyric: “Maybe I’ve forgotten the name and the address / Of everyone I’ve ever known / It’s nothing I regret”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViwHx2KWLro

12. “The Universal” – Blur. “The Universal” would be the final track on the first disc of my double album. It’s an epic closer. A warning about the dangers of materialism, this song so clearly encapsulates the pessimism of modern life. And yet, beneath the outward veneer of pessimism, I find there lurks a beacon of optimism. (Hear Damon’s exhortation to “just let it go.”) This song is quite stirring, really. It reminds me that there are things more important beyond this earthly existence. Though we, as people, may place our hopes in consumerism (whether intentionally or not), there is more to living than materialism.

Key lyric: “And to karaoke songs / How we like to sing along / Though the words are wrong”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpk49upQZJw

The music video, a sort of homage to the movie version of A Clockwork Orange (perhaps my favorite novel ever), is intriguing. Well-done visually.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrbxWOMpwfs

13. “Inertia Creeps” – Massive Attack. Disc two begins with this slithering beast. It starts out slowly and eventually explodes with a primal beatdrop. I don’t even know what this song is about. I assume it’s a dirty song about sex. But it’s the disc two opener because my life requires fighting theme music and the instrumental pumps me up. Just don’t go analyzing the lyrics or anything…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWTXe01-vbs

14. “Umi Says” – Mos Def. Probably the song that finally got me into hip-hop. Smooth, chill, positive-minded – “Umi Says” is the antithesis of “Inertia Creeps.” It also kinda fits in thematically with “The Universal.” I like the track placement. Hot and cold. I like to think that’s how I am. I like to pretend I’m a man of extremes, with no middle ground. In my heart, I know I’m full of shades of gray.

Key lyric: “Tomorrow may never show up / For you, for me / This life is not promised”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rArvkM4rm4E

15. “Summer Sun” – Koop. What a bouncy, joyous track. It’s mind-boggling to realize that, outside of the vocals, Koop built this song entirely out of samples. Very DJ Shadow-esque. I discovered this song when I first moved into my apartment in Davis at the tail end of summer, and my roommate and I were watching MTV at like 2AM. Back in those days, MTV used to show music videos once in a while, and that that night they had Moby as a guest veejay, and this was one of the songs he played. My roommate and I immediately were entranced by this song, and quickly tracked it down so we could listen to it over and over. It became, in a bromantic way, “our song.” People often accuse Dru of not smiling very much. Well, maybe if they made me listen to this song more often, Dru would smile plenty.

Key lyric: “Happy or sad, you always shine”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLxqc4aoTRM

16. “Lost in the Supermarket” – The Clash. Because you can never have enough great songs about feeling alienated in an increasingly materialistic world. To me, the Clash are the quintessential punk rock band. If the entire movement of punk collapsed today, you could rebuild it using the Clash’s discography as the cornerstone. London Calling is certainly one of my ten favorite albums ever. I always liked this song, I guess, because it’s one of those songs that makes you feel like you’re an outsider, and that’s how I tend to view myself. Of course, hundreds of thousands of people also feel like they can relate to Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye, too, which sort of misses the point of the book entirely, but… whatever.

Key lyric: “I wasn’t born so much as I fell out”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsrEAWcAvRg

17. “Bend and Not Break” – Dashboard Confessional. Had to have the prerequisite emo song by Dashboard. It was either this, “For You to Notice,” or “Vindicated.” I decided that “For You to Notice” is too pitiful while “Vindicated” is too triumphant. Therefore, we have some sort of middle ground with this song. This song is so straightforward that I have no further commentary. I already feel naked enough sharing with you the fact that it’s worthy of being part of my life’s soundtrack.

Key lyric: “I am fairly agile / I can bend and not break / Or I can break and take with a smile”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxxdMNVi9FA

18. “Somewhere Only We Know” – Keane. Yes, yes, I know; I have my prerequisite emo song immediately followed by my prerequisite wuss-rock song. Have I no shame? Apparently not. I remember the first time I heard/saw the music video of this song when I was living in Davis. For some reason, during the chorus, I thought the dude was singing, “Somewhere on a window” and I had no idea what was going on. I used to always catch the music video of this in the mornings as I was eating breakfast and getting ready to go to class. Listening to it now kind of takes me back to that nostalgic space. Also, I am down with the synthesizer in this track. It kinda makes the song work. One day, I want to own a shirt with the words “Respect The Synthesizer” written proudly across it.

Key lyric: “I came across a fallen tree / I felt the branches of it looking at me”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGBLiGFaddo

19. “Rebellion (Lies)” – Arcade Fire. Surely, it must be sacrilegious in some cultures to make a mixtape that contains both Keane and Arcade Fire. Nonetheless, I remain utterly unrepentant. “Rebellion (Lies)” represents the part of me that used to care about having a self-important amount of pretentious indie rock street cred. Also, this song has a really steady bassline that just gets me pumped and inspired. I like to listen to it before I go play ball or something. I once saw a Sunday Night Football segment about how Ray Lewis, the greatest middle linebacker of his generation, listens to Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” before every game to get himself pumped and inspired. Look, if Ray Lewis isn’t ashamed of that, I am certainly not ashamed to listen to “Rebellion.” Just try it. Listen to this song the next time you tie your shoes as you prepare to head out and buy some milk at the grocery store. I guarantee you will pound your chest at the cash register.

Key lyric: “Sleeping in is giving in / No matter what the time is”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-8nQw-oV5o

20. “So Here We Are” – Bloc Party. Incandescent. That’s what this song is. What a glorious build-up! It’s hypnotic, in a way, and calming. I find myself soothed by this song. It’s a song that makes me feel a gentle breeze on my face. I think it’s a song of redemption, a song that’s about knowing what to do and failing, but overcoming nevertheless.

Key lyric: “I caught a glimpse, but it’s been forgotten / So here we are again”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB77tGqiL1s

21. “Moment of Truth” – Gang Starr. I like art that, on the surface, seems pessimistic but is, in actuality, optimistic. Take the comics of Warren Ellis, for example. He often writes about worlds drenched in cynicism, his characters are sarcastic, and the general tone of his stories often carries a bleak interpretation of life. Yet he always manages to introduce a crucial idea, at some junction, that shows that despite the pessimism there is an undercurrent of idealism active in his work. I greatly admire that. “Moment of Truth” is kind of like that. It’s a song about being hard, only being hard means being true to yourself in the face of adversity. Premo’s beat is boss and Guru spits some of my all-time favorite verses. While there’s some profanity in the lyrics, I find this song incredibly inspiring because of its realness. It wouldn’t be as powerful without the swears. Oh, what a sinner I am…

Key lyric: “But I’m sweatin’, though, my eyes are turnin’ red and yo / I’m ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind / I put down my knife and take the bullets out my nine / My only crime was that I’m too damn kind”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNVU1oFH3y4

22. “Ladyflash” – The Go! Team. As the album draws to an end, I suppose it’s only appropriate to have a happy, celebratory song. This could probably be almost any song from The Go! Team. They have a unique sound, I think. They kind of remind me of an amalgamation of RJD2, My Bloody Valentine, old-school Motown groups, and a modern indie rock sensibility. Their songs are richly textured and intricately layered, especially their studio recordings. The drums are kind of buried beneath the samples, which sort of play tug-of-war with the live instruments, and the inscrutable vocals are so fuzzed out that they’re basically another chunk of the sonic landscape. This song would be my victory fanfare in my life. I tremble with glee at the knowledge that all my enemies who hear this song can only raise their fists in anger after being completely annoyed by the bouncy vivaciousness of “Ladyflash.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC128euLMwM

23. “Digital Love” – Daft Punk. Daft Punk are two of my favorite Frenchmen of all time. I don’t dance, but if I did, I would probably dance to this song. “Digital Love” has one of the sickest samples ever, a chopped, looped sample so good that it’s actually better than the entire song it sampled (“I Love You More” by George Duke). And the guitar solo that kicks in at about 3:20 is definitely one of my favorites. It’s already an awesome song but that solo puts it over the top. Good use of the talk box, too. Even though the lyrics seem rather secondary when the actual instrumentation takes center stage, they do an exemplary job of adding to the sum of the whole. It’s one of those songs that sounds really happy, but I think is actually a bit melancholy at heart. It’s about waking up from a pleasant dream and realizing that reality is nothing like your dream. There ought to be a word to describe that feeling, that moment of realization when the dream is better than your real life. There should be a word.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrsOcsanHfg

24. “Wonderful King” – David Crowder Band. I don’t really know why, but I really like this song. It’s not the most moving or most powerful worship song lyrically. I also tend to prefer more uptempo worship songs, and this is kind of a ballad-type song. Yet I constantly go back to “Wonderful King” whenever I feel like crap and want to listen to something that will remind me of God. I really like the tune and that guitar riff. And though the lyrics are rather simple, I think they are sincere and fill me with a worshipful attitude. Maybe it’s also because I associate this song with some good memories of being at UC Davis and our great Campus Crusade worship band. It kind of takes me back to that time when I felt like I knew my role. Now I think it’s kind of reassuring to be reminded of that stuff. To paraphrase that one Nine Inch Nails song, this song brings me closer to God. (Haha.)

Key lyric: “You are here because of You”

I couldn’t find a legit studio version of this song by David Crowder Band on YouTube, so here’s an all right version by some random worship team:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcJ5xPoFAvA&feature=related

25. “Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken” – Enfield. Only recently have I discovered this powerful old hymn. I enjoy the melody but the lyrics move me. I can never sing this song half-heartedly. Just can’t do it. There are some bold proclamations in the words (“Go then, earthly fame and treasure / Come disaster, scorn and pain”). Each and every verse is just straight cash. These are words that I want to live. And just like an old cliché, it’s always easier said than done. Is there a better song that exemplifies the Christian life? I can only pray that the words of this hymn are true in my own. As the final song on my double album, the final song on the soundtrack of my life, “Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken” isn’t really an ending. It’s the song that continues, I pray, to describe the state of my heart as long as I draw breath.

Key lyric: “Let the world despise and leave me / They have left my Savior, too”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axtK8tQpgNk
Lyrics: http://www.lutheran-hymnal.com/lyrics/tlh423.htm