A Month of Facts about Dru: Day Eleven

Today's true story:

I have never enjoyed Halloween.

It's probably my least favorite holiday of all time. Even when I was but a child, I never celebrated it. Dressing up in a costume, going trick-or-treating - it all never appealed to me. I don't have any rational explanation as to why I never got into Halloween, but I surmise that one reason may be that I was born with an intense disdain for cosplay.

Yes, cosplay. I am not down with it. At all.

And what is Halloween if not an excuse for otherwise normal, respectable citizens to engage in copious amounts of filthy cosplay?

It's disgusting.

Cosplay - one of my most despised foes. I'd like to be able to explain why I hate it so much. It's hard to really boil it down coherently because I'm just not good enough of a writer to explain something that is completely irrational. I'll do my best to list the reasons why I hate cosplay:

1) It is abnormal, despicable behavior. I love superhero comic books more than the average person, but people just aren't meant to wear primary colors in public. And don't get me started on wearing underwear on the OUTSIDE of pants.

2) The Look At Me Factor. In my mind, one of the most unattractive qualities in a person is the desire to constantly be noticed, whether through word, deed, or appearance. I don't find it appealing when a person actively seeks the attention and/or approval of other people. Putting on a costume and trying to look like an anime character and posing for pictures just screams ATTENTION WHORE to me. Attention Whores are another one of my most hated and feared enemies, right up there with serial murderers, hardened criminals, drama queens, bullies, and seagulls (see Day Ten). I don't want anything to do with them. And in my (admittedly, extremely biased) opinion, most cosplayers fall under the Attention Whore subdivision, making them my lifelong enemies.

3) I can't think of a third reason that isn't, in some way, related to #1 or #2.

So it looks like I really only have two primary reasons for hating cosplay. But I think they're great reasons. The only time I can ever imagine myself engaging in cosplay is on my honeymoon night, and that's only if my wife begged for it. And trust me, I'd still feel dirty about it.

When I was a child, I didn't know what cosplay was. I only knew that I didn't wanna do it. I think I went trick-or-treating once, and it was a half-hearted attempt around the block before I decided I'd had enough and went home. I never worshipped candy like most other children.

This one year I also went to my school's Halloween Night event (an alternative for the school kids whose parents didn't want them celebrating a pagan holiday, seeing as how I went to a Lutheran school and all). I can't really remember too much of it, other than there was a lot of weird looking hair and stuff in the giant bobbing for apples bucket. It's hard to imagine kids today playing bobbing for apples. That's clearly a game whose time has expired. Anyway, I don't think I stayed that long. I felt awkward and ashamed of dressing up in a costume. Don't ask me what I wore, because I don't remember.

If I really wanted to analyze myself, I'd probably figure that it's all a product of growing up as an only child. As a kid, I was always reading books and that always satisfied my desire for adventures; I'd rather take my mind on an adventure than go out and go on one. Wait, maybe this still describes me as a grown man, which either means I was extremely precocious as a child, or that I'm just a big kid. I'll let you decide.

I guess it might be all right to celebrate Halloween if you are under the age of twelve. Any older than that and I will have nothing but contempt for such behavior. Adults like Halloween because it gives them an excuse to go out and party and revel in drunkeness and debauchery, but that stuff never appealed to me. Dressing up in a costume only makes it worse. I wish people would keep those kinky fetishes to themselves.

And what's up with kids getting so brazen recently? This year some kids trick-or-treated at my house. I gave them some Kit Kats, and one of them asked if he could have more. What's up with that? Why can't they just be thankful for what they did get? It's not my job to give out free candy. I didn't HAVE to open the door and give them some treats. I could have ignored them. (If they'd tried to toilet paper my house I woulda come out and kicked their lily just kidding, even I wouldn't do that. I think.) Why can't parents teach their kids to be less greedy? Sweet Christmas.

When I have a kid, I am going to try to raise him to not care about Halloween. I'm gonna teach him how to be an upstanding and moral person who worships Jesus.

Halloween. It just brings out the worst in people.

A cosplay corollary:
The only time it is acceptable to engage in cosplay is if you are at a Raiders game, like if you're in the Black Hole or something.